[Episode opens with the title card song, followed by a lesson on the blackboard on how to get your license revoked]
Hank: A-and, that's why I can only drive to and from school. In other news, today is our field trip to the Dinosaur Museum! [Shows newspaper reading "Mufflin's class goes dino"]
[All but Kyle cheer]
Hank: Now, in light of what happened on last month's field trip to the glue factory...
[Fankylechum is glued to various school supplies]
Fankylechum: I blame myself, for straying from the group.
Hank: We will be instituting a Buddy System for safety.
[F&C come forward and blow whistles]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: BUDDY SYSTEM IN EFFECT! BEST BUDS! BUDDY...UP!
[All but Kyle rush to the front of the room. Kyle just stays where he is, wimpering while the other kids choose their buddies. We see Yo choosing Lupe as her buddy and Cheech choosing Nancy as his buddy. F&C come toward him]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Hey, Kyle! [pause]
Fanboy: Ooh, you don't have a buddy, huh?
Kyle: Of course, I have a buddy. He's right, uh...uh...
[He scans the line of buddies then stops on Chuggy]
Chris Chuggy: Wha -- [hugs cactus] Wah-wah.
Chum Chum: Don't worry, Kyle. We'll be your buddies.
[F&C blow whistles]
Kyle: AAAHHH!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: BUDDY UP!
Fanboy: ROLL CALL! CHUM CHUM!
Chum Chum: HERE! FANBOY?
Fanboy: HERE! KYLE!
Kyle: What are you thimble-wits doing?
Fanboy: THE BUDDY CHECK! THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE BUDDY SYSTEM!
Chum Chum: THIS DRILL CAN SAVE YOUR LIFE! [at Fanboy] FANBOY, HAS KYLE CHECKED IN YET?
Fanboy: NOT YET! WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO SOUND THE ALARM!
[Fanboy turns on an alarm which makes the lights go out, but the searchlight doesn't see Kyle]
Kyle: I'm right here, you idiots!!
[The searchlight sees Kyle and the lights go back to normal]
Fanboy: All right, Buddy Check completed. All buddies present and accounted for.
Chum Chum: You gave us quite a scare there, Kyle.
Kyle: I have agreed to be your field trip buddy out of sheer desperation. But I refuse to be part of your ridiculous "Buddies System".
Fanboy: Oh, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle.
Chum Chum: Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle.
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [inhale] Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle...
Kyle: What?!
Fanboy: We were like you once. "Oh, psh, it's a field trip. Who needs a buddy? We're big boys, we can take care of ourselves." Oh, how naive we were...
[Flashback to F&C younger]
Baby Chum Chum: Field trips are fun.
Baby Fanboy: And safe.
Baby Chum Chum: I'm just gonna wander over here, all by myself, and toss a penny into the wishing well.
Baby Fanboy: I'll just stray over here and watch this fluffy cloud. Oh, that one's shaped like a giant hammer.
[Baby Chum Chum drops a coin into the wishing well and a bear comes out, attacking him. Baby Fanboy is also attacked by the hammer cloud]
[End of flashback]
Chum Chum: And that's how I lost...THIS! [shows toy hook]
Kyle: [gasps] Huh?!?
Chum Chum: My toy hook hand! I had to wrestle that bear for an hour to get it back!
Fanboy: Think about it, Kyle. How many toy body parts can you afford to lose?
[Kyle looks at them, then...]
Kyle: [at the camera] Let's just get on the bus.
[Meanwhile, Hank is driving the bus through the desert]
Hank: [chuckling]
[In the back, F&C have walkie talkies]
Fanboy: Purple Rain to Orange Julius, what's your 20? Over.
Chum Chum: Orange Julius to Purple Rain, I read you loud and clear, I am currently on the bus. Brace-face, do you read? What's your 20?
Kyle: Oh, I don't know. I think I'm... [widen to reveal him sitting between F&C] Right here between you!
Fanboy: [pause] No need to shout. We're right here with you. Do you copy?
Kyle: [flatly] Yes, I understand you perfectly.
Fanboy: Please use the proper terminology.
Kyle: Uhhhh! 10-4.
Chum Chum: 10-4 what?
Kyle: 10-4...Good...Buddy.
Fanboy: Ah, Rodger that. Good to have you back with us.
[They put the walkie talkies away]
Kyle: [pause] That does it! I'm changing my seat. [tries to stand up but can't] Wha -- why are we tied together?
Fanboy: Because we only have one parachute!
Kyle: [pause] Oh, this is ridiculous! I'm detaching myself from you two cretins immediately! [pulls a cord]
Chum Chum: Wait! That's not the Buddy Cord!
[They fly out of the bus into the desert on the parachute]
Fanboy/Chum Chum/Kyle: Whoa!
[They land]
Fanboy: That was the ripcord.
Kyle: You don't -- say. [gasp] THE BUS!
[The bus leaves without them while F&C wave]
Kyle: Now look what you've done! We're stranded in the middle of the desert!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: With our buddies!
Kyle: But, we're hopelessly lost!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: With our --
Fanboy: Wait. Do we have our buddies?
[F&C blow whistles]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: BUDDY UP!
Fanboy: ROLL CALL! CHUM CHUM!
Chum Chum: HERE! FANBOY!
Fanboy: HERE! KYLE!
Kyle: [pause] I detest you.
Chum Chum: Kyle's here! We're good!
Fanboy: Oh, thank goodness. For a second I was worried. [hears vultures] Hey, look! Vultures!
Chum Chum: I bet they know where the food is! Let's follow them.
[F&C walk under the vultures in circles saying "ahh" for several seconds]
Kyle: [in his head] Oh, I've gotta get away from these dingbats. As long as they can see you, they'll follow you. Hmm... [takes out wand] Makemeus Invisiblis! [turns invisible] Now, to tiptoe away... [takes a few steps]
Chum Chum: BUDDY ALERT! BUDDY ALERT!
Fanboy: Where's Kyle?
Chum Chum: [sees Kyle's footprints and gasps] I found his last set of tracks! He must have stopped here!
Fanboy: Send out the Buddy Flare!
[Chum Chum hits the invisible Kyle with a flare]
Kyle: Ahh!
Fanboy: Nothing! Use the Buddy Pole!
Chum Chum: [takes out a pole] Kyle! If you can hear us, GRAB THE POLE! [hits Kyle]
Kyle: Ahh! Ooh! Eh!
Chum Chum: It's not working! [throws pole onto Kyle]
Kyle: Unh!
Fanboy: Fling the Buddy Acid!
[Chum Chum opens a flask of acid and is about to throw it when Kyle turns visible]
Kyle: Here! I'm here!
Chum Chum: Oh, thank goodness! Because.... [sigh]
[Fanboy blows a whistle while Kyle screams]
Fanboy: BUDDY UP!
[The acid spills all over Kyle]
Kyle: Ahh!
[Kyle's body disintegrates into pieces]
[Much later. It is hotter than before as the main 3 lie on the ground]
Kyle: Oh, what are we going to do? There's no way out of here! [pause] Wait a minute. Why didn't I think of this before? I'll just use my wand and zap us all out of here! [tries to find wand] Where did my wand go?
[On Fanboy, holding Kyle's wand. Fanboy is grunting and giggling like a caveman while Kyle makes a disgusted face]
Chum Chum: Oh, boy. Fanboy turned into a caveman. Happens every time he gets too much sun.
[Fanboy breaks Kyle's wand]
Kyle: My wand! This isn't happening, I must be delirious!
[Fanboy gestures to Kyle to sniff his hand]
Kyle: Oh, no! I'm not smelling your hand!
[Fanboy growls]
Kyle: Oh, fine. One sniff. [sniffs Fanboy's hand] OHH! [coughs, retches]
[Fanboy giggles]
Kyle: Chum Chum, do something to control this cretinous cro-magnon.
[Chum Chum is turned into a caveman, too]
Chum Chum: Bud-dy. Bud-dy. Buddy, buddy.
[F&C begin babbling to Kyle]
Kyle: Stop it, you two! Focus! We've got to work on getting --
[BONK! Fanboy hits Kyle's head with a club, knocking him out]
Fanboy: Buddybuddy.
Chum Chum: Ooh, buddy.
Fanboy: Buddybuddy. Buddy. Buddybuddy --
[Chum Chum hits Fanboy's head with a club, knocking him out]
Chum Chum: Buddy, buddy, buddybuddy, buddybuddybuddy --
[BONK! Chum Chum gets hit with a club]
[Kyle wakes up]
Kyle: Huh? What? Wait a minute...if Fanboy's dragging me...and Chum Chum's dragging him...then, what's dragging Chum Chum? [sees a dinosaur dragging them] D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-DINOSAUR!
Fanboy/Chum Chum/Kyle: [scream]
Kyle: [pushes F&C to the dinosaur] Here! [runs]
[the dinosaur chases Kyle and corners him at a cliff]
Kyle: Help! Help! Somebody help me! Huh. [sees the dinosaur's mouth watering] Oh, I guess this is the end. [into walkie talkie] This is Kyle Bloodworth-Thomason signing off. 10-4, Good Buddy?
[Scene shifts to Fanboy and Chum Chum, who heard the message. They babble. BONK! They hit their heads, returning to normal]
Fanboy: Kyle! You got Fanboy.
Kyle: [from the walkie talkie] HELLLLLLLP!!!!!
Fanboy: Buddy Alert! Buddy Alert!
Chum Chum: Our buddy's in danger!
[F&C jump into the walkie talkie]
[Back to Kyle]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [from the walkie talkie] BUDDY UP! [they jump out of the walkie talkie] We're here!
[the dinosaur roars saliva in their faces]
Kyle: Oh, thank goodness. How do we get out of this? What's the plan?!?
Chum Chum: Huh? Uh, there's no plan. We're just here for our buddy.
Kyle: So, we have no way of escaping from this beast?
Fanboy: Looks like we're gettin' eaten!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: As...buddies!
[The dinosaur roars once more]
Chum Chum: What do you say to one last Buddy Up?
Kyle: [sobs] Oh, why not? If I must perish, I can't think of two more deserving people to perish with me!
Chum Chum: Aww, that's so sweet.
[Kyle takes out a whistle and blows it]
Kyle: Buddy...Up.
[The main 3 raise their hands high and hold them tightly. Suddenly, the dinosaur holds their hands as well]
Fanboy/Chum Chum/Kyle: Huh?
Chum Chum: The dinosaur wants to be our buddy, too!
Dinosaur: [growls] Buddy?
Fanboy: See? We told you the Buddy System could save your life!
Chum Chum: [baby talk chattering] Who's a good dinosaur?
[They all laugh together as the dinosaur stomps happily, which suddenly breaks the cliff they're on]
Fanboy/Chum Chum/Kyle: Uh-oh...
[the cliff breaks]
Dinosaur: Uh-oh...
[they fall and scream]
[Back to the bus. Hank is driving everyone home]
Hank: Pssh. Those museum dinosaurs were nothin' but bones. I wanted to see a dinosaur with a little moxie. You know, like that big one fallin' out of the sky towards us right now -- AHHHH!
[The main 3 and the dinosaur are falling towards the bus]
[CRASH!]
Dinosaur: Uh-oh.
[Later, at dusk...]
Hank: Field trip's over. Time to hit the road! Is everyone here?
[Widen to reveal everyone on the dinosaur's back]
Everyone: Yeah!
[F&C blow whistles one final time]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: BUDDY UP!
Everyone: BUDDY UP!
[Grunting is heard. The dinosaur opens his mouth to reveal Kyle]
Kyle: Can't I ride on the back of the dinosaur like everyone else?!
Fanboy: Ah-dat-dat-dat! Stay with your buddy, Kyle.
[Kyle reaches up to the roof of the dinosar's mouth and pulls down a skull head]
Kyle: [gasps]
[The dinosaur closes his mouth]
Kyle: Urg!
[The dinosaur walks everyone home into the sunset]
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